I thought I was a flower
The sun would light my way
I would twist through any fence
And breathe the light of day
Inversions of this take my nights,
When poppies churn my veins
They wear the petals off my mind
Until little else remains
If I am to grow and blossom yet
I need the touch of lunar rain
The sunlight plucks too harshly now
Upon my naked brain
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Author's Comments
Full title: Feel-Good Stunt (Flower)
All right, I wanted to write something outside my usual perspective, as per the workshop: [link] . I tried to capture something of what I know about drug addiction and how it changes people, because I can at least attest to having witnessed the latter. Anyway, I'm fairly happy with it, though... maybe too sing-songy? *shrug* To think it started off as a ballad. Oh, the things that fall out of my mind... Written for the "Another Person's Perspective" workshop, hosted by =TheObviousChild . |
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Comments
The word "poppy" was nice sound-wise, and the extended metaphor was just overall lovely.
Very nice.
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Join the Ughy Club!
[link]
This pseudo-club spontaneously started on a day when we were both feeling a little ugh-y. Have a look around the site - we hope you enjoy it!
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Yes, adequately disturbing.
Just to let you know I received this submission to my Writers Workshop task... thanks for putting it forward! Officially I'm not supposed to reply til 28th December but I'm kind of eager to get stuck in so (Christmas permitting!) I might respond before then. This comment is just to ask -- would you rather have your crit response here or in a note? Or I can email you if you like, just note me your address. Whatever you feel happy with.
All best Christmas wishes! Claire x
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Blog: One Night Stanzas
Magazine: Read This Magazine
Store: Read This, Etsy!
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Murder your darlings
*VampireWriters *PoetryPlease *Writers-Workshop *ScribeSanctuary
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D.E.Cretaro
i think the rhyming makes it, though i doubt i would have liked it as much if it didn't rhyme
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Ignorance is like walking on glass, and hoping that you don’t cut your feet as you pass.
Go with it, grow with it, live and let live.
Here would be fine for your crit response. Merry post-Christmas!
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Yes, adequately disturbing.
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Yes, adequately disturbing.
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